Summer and the Comparison Trap
'Summer's here.'
Do these words fill you with joy and the thought, 'Fantastic, I can enjoy a relaxing time on the beach, in the park or at a local lido'? Or are you like so many women dreading the thought – never mind the reality – of showing a display of unloved (by you) flesh and have already planned your cover up?
If you are in the second category keep on reading. Summer is here, and it is that time when comparison becomes the obsession and pastime of women who are unhappy with their body image. Women who engage with this way of being rarely compare themselves favourably but use it as another way of validating to themselves their own perceived inadequacies.
My advice to you is (and I can't stress this enough): from now on, do not compare your body with another person's. Not ever, not under any circumstance. Free yourself of the comparison obsession and focus on you, your goals and aspirations. Build confidence by focusing on what you want and why you want it. Start enjoying being you: what do you bring to this moment of being alive? Do you want to show different aspects of yourself that you hide along with your body? Come on, we want to know what you think and feel. Reveal yourself to us; it's an exciting process and we want to know you better. What is your unique purpose and role that no-one else can fill because they… well, they are just not you?
Throw caution to the wind, along with that cover up, I dare you. From today, do not compare your body with another person's. Think about your qualities that are not skin deep. Find ways of allowing others to enjoy the inner beauty of you but, most importantly, recognise that for yourself.
What can you do if you start comparing even though you have made a decision not to? Notice the comparison and change it to a handing back to the person who has come under your scrutiny. So, rather than thinking 'she is fatter, thinner, prettier, more toned, flabbier than me', make a louder statement along the lines of 'it's amazing that there is so much difference.' Become less of a voyeur and bring your thoughts to what you need to do next in your day. Are you on track with your goals? Is there someone you would like to meet up with? Steer clear of conversations with friends that involve comparisons at a personal level. Talk about what you are experiencing and planning and not what others are doing or how they look – as, essentially, that's none of your business.
Focus on the wider environment away from body shapes. Are you sitting on a beautiful beach, walking in a peaceful park or shopping in a busy vibrant high street? Turn you attention towards and allow yourself to experience the bigger picture. Come away from the strong visual modality; hone in on the conversations and sounds that are ever present; use all of your senses and emotions. Do you love this location? Is it a place of purpose only? There is so much more for you to wonder about and enjoy in life; why limit yourself to one aspect of your being?
Okay, so now having come to the end of this article, have you been convinced? I promise you, you will be happier if you do not, under any circumstance, compare your body with another person's. It takes practice and time but when you free yourself of the comparison trap you might just be able to enjoy the feeling of the light breeze on your body on a hot and sunny day.